Monday, February 15, 2010

Fickle-uality

Fickle.
That word never meant anything to me until I broke the heart of the boy I loved.
Twice I broke his heart, and fickle was my excuse.

I was not fickle when the freshman
A year younger than I
met me at the gazebo near the lake
Where the wind had not yet picked up.

I sat coolly on the railing, my right leg dangling in the tall grass
He approached me cautiously and I took his lips
knowing he would surrender them to me.

Knowing I had caught his heart
and I have yet to know what that means.

To hold a heart so tenderly in your hands
the slightest word can pierce the muscle
What a cruel girl I was to ignore him
when he approached me days later.

There was another boy that felt me up
in the dewy field.
It felt nice for a moment
Then I was done
Done with him
On to a new adventure.
Because holding a heart in your hands is too heavy
and it was better to let it go.

"You don't owe me anything," he said nonchalantly
over the phone
His voice reduced to a monotonous whisper.

To feel your heart beat fast,
your breath quicken and salt-water
well up in your eyes means something right?

Frantically I searched the Web
Depression does reduce your sexuality
Does suppress your libido
Either that or makes you want it more

Which one am I?
Who has the answers?
I want to keep searching for the answers
Because

Life is not short
Life is long
because it goes on forever

And ever and ever and ever

5 comments:

  1. Wow. That was really good.
    Did you just write that?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. But not at 9:14pm like it says I did. It was more like 1:20am, haha.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Like, damn. I second what Jessie said... that was really good.

    ReplyDelete